d12

Highlights

  • Cast:
    • Sali, Baj, Mikal, Lucan, Zanne, Caeldryn
  • Events:
    • The heroes return to Dunesend from victory in the mines.
    • They all bravely protect each other and survive a town of mutated “solar-powered” tentacled monstrosities, only to narrowly escape from the mastermind illithid, Lugrithillirid, into the future.
    • Caeldryn bravely pours incredible amounts of her energy into maintaining an eclipse of the sun; yes, The Sun.
    • Lucan’s brain is eaten by Lugrithillirid the Mind Flayer
    • Sali gives his life to power the BloodJammer
    • Mikal, Zanne, and Caeldryn escape through time

Sali’s final words:

“One may stray from the path of a man, one may stray from the path of a woman, but there is no straying from the path of a HUMAN! All friends must scatter into the sky of truth, and blossom! BRAVE VESPERIA!!
– by Francois Jacques Joseph Sali
Scatter upon the water’s surface and grow where you may, my fellow blossoms!
Now God above all gods, into your hands….”

Mikal

The following account is according to Mikal, and is therefore completely accurate and has not been exaggerated, enhanced, or spun in any way. Seriously, this is the deal:

Upon defeating the demons of the mine (which, by the way, held absolutely nothing for us, was really gross and creepy, and forced me to carry a dead body through tunnel after tunnel. Although, that was kind of awesome in the end because I totally used it to fool a bunch of stupid enemy soldiers. Man I’m good) we began the long journey back to receive our just rewards. At high noon, we came upon the sandy little village we had adventured in previously. We decided to enter it for twofold reasons: I had practically single-handedly destroyed an evil snake thing and its minions and we were sure the locals were dying to lavish praise upon me again, and we probably owed an huge apology to Fahmah (hahahahaha), as she had taken our light teasing rather poorly. So, we entered the village.

It took but a second for me to realize that something was amiss. Not only were the normally busy streets empty, but more importantly there was not a single fawning woman at my feet. A moment later, people began emerging from their houses. I knew something was wrong, but held my tongue. Lucan tried to hug one of them (a bad habit of his apparently), at which point the villager threw off his cloak with a triumphant cry. The other villagers quickly followed suit.

Ok, something needs to be discussed at this point. You have to realize that I am a party monk, and have seen and experienced celebrations that would make an average man weep. I’ve been to masquerade parties, oil wrestling parties, make out parties, and dress-like-your-favorite-Illithid parties. At each one, I was at the forefront of every activity. A trend-setter, if you will. So when I saw the villagers getting naked, I naturally assumed this was a no-pants-celebrate-the-return-of-the-guys-who-saved-us-from-the-stupid-snake-thing-and-its-even-stupider-minions-last-time-they-were-here-and-make-me-weak-in-the-knees party. So, yah, I got naked too. I mean, given the circumstances, I think it was the only safe assumption to make.

Well, as it turns out, the villagers were simply disrobing in order to show us their hideous tentacle appendages (not nearly as sexy as it sounds, trust me.) Long story short, it turns out that the villagers: A. Would not die when you killed them. They just kept popping back up. B. Felt the need to burrow inside of you with their crazy appendages (still not sexy). C. Really really enjoyed tossing me by my manhood. We fought bravely, but quickly realized that we were in trouble. At this point, BAaj noticed that one of the zombie villager had died and stayed dead. The reason, it turns out, was because its body was in the shade. Upon realizing this, Caeldryn swooshed her cloak and TURNED OUT THE FREAKING SUN. (Note to self: do not screw with Caledryn. Well, at least don’t mess with Caeldryn. Screwing TBD. Just kidding Zanne! Sort of.)

With the sun extinguished, we fled to the tower of Fahmah. Teehee. Fahmah. We reached her tower and darted inside. Sali spent several minutes barricading the doors while the rest of us took a much-needed rest. There was no sign of Fahmah (haha), so Lucan began reading through her books. Suddenly, she appeared out of nowhere. So, of course, Lucan tried to hug her (seriously dude, enough with the hugging!). She went crazy-go-nuts and started attacking us. While we battled against her three personalities, Caeldryn made her way to the the top of the tower. Oh yah, and Baaj totally swung on some chandeliers, flew up in the air, and dropped on Fahmah (not funny anymore because she’s a total nutcase), stabbing her with his dagger and rolling out into the courtyard where the zombies were. But no worries, because Sali went and scolded the zombies for being stupid and they ran away. So we were good. But then Fahmah knocked him out.

Anyways, Caeldryn reached the top of the tower and started screaming. Lucan followed her, and also started screaming. Zanne soon followed suit, and also screamed. Curious, and a little turned on, I ran up the stairs to see what all the fuss was about. Then I found out.

Oh shit, a mindflayer. And he has an airship.

Before I could react, crazy Fahmah ran up the stairs behind me and tried to kill me like a crazy person. So I pushed her off the edge of the stairs. Having taken care of that little distraction, I looked up to see Caeldryn shooting a cannon at Lucan. My keen senses told me that she must have been dominated (almost as sexy as it sounds). She apparently snapped out of it, and Lucan ran to attack the Mindflayer. His attacks missed, and he was grabbed by the Illithid’s nasty mouth tentacles. I watched as he struggled to throw himself and his attacker off the ship to no avail. Then, before anyone could react, he ate Lucan’s brains.

We stared in horror as our faithful companion slumped to the ground, his lifeless body oozing blood all over the ship’s deck. The Mindflayer licked his lips and made his way towards me. So I pushed him off the edge too.

Baaj, who had scaled the outside of the tower and was now on the ship with us, dove after the falling Illithid and attempted to stab him as they hit the ground. He barely succeeded, and was knocked unconscious, although not before he put the Mindflayer in a death grip.

Zanne had meanwhile taken control of the ship through a crystal, and was attempting to steer it away at the risk of her own life, and without our two unconscious companions! Suddenly, I had a plan. I lashed two ropes together and lowered myself a hundred feet to the ground. Grabbing Sali, I threw him over my shoulder and began climbing back up. Before I could reach the ship, the Illithid teleported all the way back to the ship, bringing the unconscious Baaj with him. I continued to climb, but suddenly felt myself losing control. As I slipped into the darkness of domination-ness, I saw Sali spring to life and climb back aboard the ship.

A side note about being dominated: when by a woman, it’s totally sexy and awesome. When by an Illithid, it’s like having your mind raped by, well, an Illithid. Not sexy or awesome.

Being the fortitudinal person that I am, I quickly threw off the bonds of domination and climbed to the deck. On board, there was a fierce battle raging. It seemed as though we were doomed at the hands of this Mindflayer. Suddenly, Baaj sprang to life and jumped off the ship, tearing at its sail as he went. The ship bucked wildly, sending the Illithid towards the edge. And towards me. I was still pissed about having my mind raped, so I THREW HIM ON THE GROUND. By which I mean I threw him over the edge, again, for good this time. If you take away one thing from this story, it should be that I am awesome at throwing people over edges.

We realized that we had to escape. The only way out was with the ship, but controlling it was deadly. Sali, being the manliest man that he is, bravely volunteered to sacrifice himself in order to save us all. He strapped himself in and grabbed the crystal. As the light of the crystal consumed him, we heard one last, brave poem pour forth from his lips:

“One may stray from the path of a man, one may stray from the path of a woman, but there is no straying from the path of a HUMAN! All friends must scatter into the sky of truth, and blossom! BRAVE VESPERIA!! – by Francois Jacques Joseph Sali”

Then, his head down and teeth gritted in silent anguish, he whispered into the roaring wind, “Scatter upon the water’s surface and grow where you may, my fellow blossoms! Now God above all gods, into your hands…..”

The ship shot forward, and then we were gone.

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